Bowling Alleys 'n BFFs.

I woke up with the sound of pouring rain outside which is a completely disappointing way to wake up in Michigan in December.  I would prefer it to be 10 degrees colder and all of this nonsense rain be snow.
I have also have one of those awesome tickles in my lungs.  You know when you first get sick and you have that dry yet scratchy feeling?  I have been coughing all day but nothing is coming up. Completely unproductive. My favorite. Sigh.  I bet you that I will be perfectly sick for Christmas.  Why wouldn't I be?

Around 3pm I had a knock on the door. It was the mail lady.  I was a bit confused because I haven't ordered anything due to being in the poorhouse.  It was nice sized package and it said
"To: MaryAnne & Alanna, From: Up North"
I knew just by the handwriting who it was from.

Here is the backstory:  Once upon a time in say 2001? My friend Shawn was dating this girl who everyone called "Keggy."  I never met her the entire time they dated, but I kept hearing that she was this tiny little girl who did 'keg stands' like a champ. I liked her already.
We all went bowling one night and Kristine (AKA: Keggy) showed up with a box of Shawn's things. They had broken up and she was returning his crap. I was introduced myself, commented on her super cute shoes (which were Nike Shocks with neon pink soles), and apparently we were friends for life.
After nearly 12 years, her and I still have not seen each other since that one night at the bowling alley.  We've sent cards back and forth. We take pictures of street signs when we are in each other's cities. We even take pictures of our odometers when they read cool combinations of numbers.  This is our friendship which is better than a lot of friendships I have with people I actually do see.  She is one of my favorite people on the planet - today has completely confirmed it.

She read my blog, had no idea I had lost my job, and sent me Christmas care package.  I cried. Wait, I am still crying.  I can't help it... I am a sap.  She is a wonderful, amazing person and I am so lucky to have a friend like her.  My gift was a Scentsy care package.  I suggest if you have never heard of Scentsy or don't own one, to get a freaking order in.     Kristine's Scentsy Page
It is the most amazing thing EVER.  I am a customer of hers til the end of time. Which is tonight at midnight according to the Mayans. ;)

If she is reading this, which I hope she is, I hope she knows how much her friendship means to me. Even if it is virtual.  Pictures, cards, emails, text... I love her.
One day we are going to meet up and go bowling with the kids. Back to where it all began, make no mistake about that.

Someone call the Wambulance

It was an exceptionally weird day today.  The alarm was being snoozed to death. Finally I texted Alanna with an "Up, up, up little one."  She said "You too missy!"  Sigh. My little snot.

I crawled out of bed and straight into the arms of the love of my life which would be my coffee maker, then opened up my laptop.  As it rang to life I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. I wandered into Alanna's room making sure she was really out of bed this time and helped her pick out an outfit.  I went back to the computer, when I saw a friend posted a YouTube video on my wall.  I clicked it without reading anything other than "The Voice - Hallelujah."  Jeff Buckley did a version of this song that is my absolute favorite.  Alex Wong and Allison Holker danced to this a few season ago on So You Think You Can Dance. It has just left an impression on me. I get misty eyed and sing along like I sang it originally. This was different.  It was a tribute to the kids at Sandy Hook.  I lost it.  Big time.  I cried like a baby and then texted said friend to tell her I was mad at her for not warning me.  I guess I could have read the caption.

Alanna stumbled out of her bedroom and was confused as to why I was hyperventilating over a song.  I couldn't explain it, even though she knows all about the S.H.E.S. tragedy.  What a way to start the day. With a big fat sob session.  If this was the outlook for the day it was pretty effing accurate.  I think I cried 24 different times.  This is not an exaggeration... not one bit.

Shortly after I had to drive a half hour to pick up a prize I won through my college.  They selected me at random to win a $100 gift card -which is stinking awesome!  When I got to the office, I started telling the ladies my life story, like they cared, and cried some more. I mean, really?  They even had to snap my photo for part of the promotion and here I am all red faced, splotchy, and snotty.  Aka: HOT!

I spent the rest of the day painting my signs and catching up on episodes of The Voice and Ben & Kate (Tomorrow is Revenge and How I Met Your Mother).  It's been a non-emotional night let me just tell you.  I  think my tear ducts haven't quite replenished themselves yet.  Well they better by tomorrow.  My daughter's school is sponsoring me for Christmas and the staff bought her Christmas presents. I have to pick them up in the morning. I am pretty sure I will bawl my eyes out again.  And maybe even again.

So to all that I say this:
1) Screw being a girl
2) Screw being off of anti-depressants that kept my tears at bay all these years and
3) SCREW CRYING, DAMMIT!

Twenty Sets

This morning was an especially hard morning.

As I waited at the bus stop with my girl, I kept thinking to myself how 20 specific sets of parents woke up this morning and didn't have to get their baby ready for school. How a lot of parents all over the world didn't have to do that because they lost their child to cancer, a car accident, or in another way.  

At 10, my daughter still isn't ashamed to be seen with me in public and I am happy for that because this world has changed so much in the last 30 years of my life.  People don't express their love the same. People treat their kids differently.  Most people are so caught up in their own lives that they don't focus as much as they should on their kids lives. I can't say I am perfect by any means, but I know when to stop and pay attention to what my child is saying to me. I know to tell her I love her and mean it. I know to give her praise and hugs all the time. 

When the bus pulled up she said "Love you Momma!" like she does every single day and she puckered up for a kiss.  I kissed her and grabbed her in for a big hug.  I will miss my little girl today, but not even fractionally close to how the parents in Newtown, CT are missing their babies every day.  

I've been hearing a lot about mental illness in the wake of this horrific tragedy.  As someone who doesn't have all the proper chemicals in their brain, I understand.  I don't understand how you could take another's life out of hatred, but I do understand the ability to lose control.  I don't think we should be using mental illness as a scapegoat, but I do think it should be recognized a bit more.  

I have so much to say on this subject. So much to say on mental illness being misunderstood and people not having a clue about it.  I have so much to say on parenting and listening to your children. 

My daughter just called from school because she forgot to bring her gym shoes.  And when I said "Alanna, this is your responsibility to remember these things." I caught myself and thought: "Your baby needs you. Go."  I can do that for her. I can bring her gym shoes every single day. I can tell her I love her every single day.  But in Newtown, CT twenty sets of parents...cannot.

Death to Lucy.

My cat Lucy is terrified of everything! She is afraid of me scooting a chair across the floor. If I shut a door too hard she is under the bed for an hour, and if a man is in my house you will never see her for the rest of the day. But it's always different for "mommy."  I'm home a lot more than usual as of late and she likes to nuzzle me and tell me she loves me in her cat language of mews and guttural purrs.

Tonight was NOT an "I love you" night.  I called my brother Scott to check on some things in the weeks ahead.  He asked what was new and I told him how I'm 95% sure my wrist is fractured.  He told me to go get it looked at like a big brother should say.  I asked him what dates he is coming home from Christmas. BAM!  Out of nowhere Lucy decides to frantically run up and across my ankle, shin, knee, & inner thigh.  I yell out in pain, not sure what to say or what to do after that so I mutter a "hold on" into the phone as I set it down and start saying "Owww, owww, owww, owwww." repeatedly like it is going to hurt less if I keep saying it.  Meanwhile I bust my pants off and my leg is gushing with blood. From multiple places!!  WTF?!

Boo. Hiss.

I picked the phone back up but I am crying at this point. Okay, maybe sobbing in pain. My brother has no idea what just happened and why he hears me crying and screaming in the background. I could have been bludgeoned for all he knows.  I can hardly speak.
"The cat....just clawed... my leg off."
"What happened?"
"Lucy just.... hightailed.....  across my leg.... and I think we need to amputate.

"I'll let you go. Go clean that out. You don't want to get cat scratch fever."
Nooooo. Not Ted Nugent references.  Sigh.

 Needless to say, I called my brother back and apologized for being such an uber-sissy over the phone. He suggested de-clawing the cat. I suggested to euthanize her. It is cheaper.