Community College BFFs

A happy day and a sad day all rolled into one.

As one door closes, so many open up.  It was the last day of my Intro to Speech class and I just left the bar where myself and 13 of my classmates went to say our final goodbyes.  Boy was it bittersweet.

On the first day of class, Professor Robinson said "By the end of the semester you guys will be so close you wont believe it." And I didn't believe it.  I don't have trouble making friends so I figured this class would be like any other; I would come to class and leave each day without thinking twice about it. 

On the second day of class she had us all push our desks into a cluster in the center of the room. We were all touching elbows and our personal bubble alarms were shrieking inside our bodies. Uncomfortably close doesn't even explain it.  I honestly think that is where the ice began to melt.  From that point forward we would all hang out before class even started as if we were friends that knew each other for a hundred years.

Sometimes when I would show up even 5 minutes late I would get a text asking where I was.  Every day with this group of people was like going to a party where I knew I would get to see all my friends.  And every speech that was given was like opening a door into their personal lives, their hearts, and maybe even their souls.  I feel like my last minute decision to take this class was complete fate. I originally was taking an Intro to Film course - I had bought the book and everything.  The day before the class had started I dropped Film and took up speech instead. BEST. DECISION. EVER!

Going to the bar with these people was like amazing.  Hanging out in an uncensored environment where we could be ourselves and just have a lot of fun was unforgettable.

So to Cecelia, Mallory, Josh, Billy, Beth, Tyler, Patrick, Emily, Amber, Nick, Aleksey, Joe, Sarah, Evan, Cory... thank you.  For being you above all. I see things differently than I did 8 weeks ago and I could never have done it without all of you. I am here for you if you ever need anything and I love each of you. 

"All Democrats think blank"

"All Democrats think they deserve something while Republicans work their asses off for what they have."

This statement is bold and a little slanted right?  Sounds like something perhaps Bill O'Reilly would say?  This statement given today by none other than my Political Science professor in my American Government class.  I get it. Truly. A lot of people in this society expect something for nothing.  A lot of people don't have a high sense of value or work ethic like in years passed, however, to make a generalized comment like the aforementioned quote you better be able to listen to the other side.  

I am not a Republican.

I am not a Democrat.

I am, however, on Unemployment.

I am a single mother.  I could easily get child support, welfare, food stamps, medicaid, and other types of government aid just because I am a single mother.  I do not get any of these.  Nor do I believe that because I am a single mother or unemployed that I am "entitled" to anything.  

So I fought my teacher on it this time. I couldn't hold my tongue for the entire semester.

I started coolly with "Can you really generalize that?"

Then it went back and forth like so:

"Yup" he said.

"I know 6 Conservative Republicans on welfare.  So how does that work?" I asked.

"No you don't."

"I do, actually."

"You just think you do. They aren't real Republicans."

"Ohhhh so now you think that people are imaginary just because they may differ from you."

"You do not know anyone like that. And its just like a Democrat to blame Republicans."

"I didn't blame anyone. I am not a Democrat, but I can see you don't know how to have an intelligent debate."

Needless to say the rest of the lecture was lost because now my adrenaline was through the damn roof, I was seeing red, all I could hear was blood pounding in my ears, and I wanted to punch him in the throat. You have got to be kidding me?  No one has argued with him all semester. Not once.  He has slammed Democrats for eight weeks, not to mention talked about every minority under the sun and even used slang that you just don't use. I tried so hard to button my lips and chalk it up to ignorance or close-mindedness.  Not today...

I am not unintelligent. I am not a moron. I also do not know everything but I am willing to listen and perhaps even learn, but I do not take kindly to slander and bigotry.  Actually if you want to see me get angry - bigotry is great ammunition.

Several minutes later he was speaking about war and "what would happen if..."  I was still chewing on my lip and my face was still flushed.
"What if a missile was launched in the East and it blew up Alaska..." he began to say.
"Sarah Palin would die." I responded.
"Jesus Christ.  Another Democrat that wants to see a hardworking mother die. Is she really so evil to you? Let me guess, her daughter is a whore too, right?"
"Wow. All I said was that if Alaska blew up, she would be dead. Calm down."
"Typical Democrat."

That term began rubbing me wrong.  Like when you go to Cedar Point on a water ride in your jeans.  By the end of the day you can't walk because the fabric of your pants has chaffed you so bad. What a douche.  I am not a Democrat, but because I don't think like him I am the anti-Christ.
Yet we still wonder what is wrong with America and her politics.  I'll give you one clue. 

Wrists

Only 12 hours after the incident. Blah.  

I haven't been injured yet this year. Not even a ripping open of the knee during a super-awesome slide into second base. I didn't even roll my ankle at volleyball all winter.  I 'was' on a seemingly injure-free path.

Sigh.

24 hrs later

I took a ball of the wrist last night at ball.  Of course, it had to be the night before I leave for a softball tournament.  It was numb instantly and pissed off at me. Until 5 minutes later when I took a line drive off of it again.   Needless to say I needed a minute to regain my composure - as the ball not only hit me in the hand but in the face as well.   My face is fine, my wrist is not. Not. Not. Not.

I would like to think that my wrist trouble is the least of my worries when I have a tournament to play in all weekend, but I am scared to think what this weekend will bring with me pitching.  I am kinda nervous to say the least.

Dragonglass Hearts

I had to say a lot yesterday.  For those who know me you may think "Surprise, surprise. You always say a lot." But when "I had to say" a lot is in reference to my character.

Most people aren't as completely sure of their 'self' as I am.  And while I do not understand it sometimes, it doesn't mean that I am unaware, because I am.  Frighteningly so.

Yesterday was a day of explaining my inability to care.  I can love you, I can do nice things for you, but at the end of the day, my care-o-meter doesn't move from zero.  I don't lose sleep over you, I don't cry myself to sleep if you insult me, I don't journal about your idiocies; My heart strongly resembles that 400 foot wall of ice everyone keeps chattering on about in Game of Thrones. Or maybe I am a White Walker and you can only kill me with dragonglass. Something to consider...  Either way, caring is not in my repertoire.

I find that when I explain it to people it makes me super anxious.  I start pacing and using a plethora of hand gestures that I don't usually bring out in casual convos.  It almost like I get angry that  have to explain myself in the first place. Isn't "I am fucked up" sufficient enough?  Apparently not. So I constantly have to go through these motions with people and tell them why my heart is a black pit of despair, that I have no soul because I am a ginger, and that I will never care enough about you to make you stay.  I know, what a treasure!  I give the whole fairy tale.  My favorite part is no one stays when I push. No one ever stays.  No one can withstand the push. Maybe it's for the better.

My most treasured part is when I get a "One day, you will find someone who will stop you dead in your tracks and then you will sing a different tune."  Again, maybe someone should kill me with that aforementioned dragonglass. Where is Samwell Tarly when I need him?

Green

Everything is green.

The grass, the trees, the moss growing up the side of the garage, the aloe plant in the window sill, and even the duckweed floating around my pond next to the lily pads.  It hasn't stopped raining in 5 days.  Today is the first day the power has been back on in 25 hours so I could actually take a shower and wash some of the bug spray off my body and out of my hair.  I planted my garden before the rain began; I am sure everything has drowned by now.

I remember reading the first book of the Twilight series when Bella spoke of how everything was green in Washington compared to Arizona.  Well so is everything in Michigan.  It is squashy, muddy, damp and green.  Its especially fun when you go outside for five seconds and get eaten alive by mosquitoes.  My least favorite part is that it is ball season.  I want to play, I want to watch, and I want to be outside at the fields.  I've played 3 games this season...  6 have been cancelled.  My daughter plays two nights a week, 5 have been cancelled.  If this is premise to how awfully hot the summer is going to be, I am screwed.   This ginger is going to spontaneously (not maybe not even spontaneously) combust around mid-July.  

Absolute sidebar:  Today is day 229 of no smoking.

A New Semester

Yesterday in my Communications class we did a brainstorm on the board. Yes, precisely as you remember from 2nd grade. The teacher gave us one word and we shouted out what we thought she should write.  The word was "Indian." A great word for a brainstorm.  There were things like genocide, Native American, Hinduism, Mecca, Tepee, Islam, Casinos, etc... People were going in a lot of different directions with this word - which I think was the point. Then she erased all but one word: "Pocahontas."
She said "If I were going to write my speech on her I would perhaps do another brainstorm.  And the first thing that comes to my mind is Lewis and Clark."
Immediately I looked dumb-founded.  It was the first day of class so I couldn't exactly raise my hand and correct her, but now I am completely pissed off that a college professor with two Master's degrees doesn't know that Pocahontas stayed in Jamestown and was probably killed off by a bout of disease, not off traveling in the west like the ENTIRE STORY she told. I wanted to cough out "Sacagawea" but instead I jotted a note to myself down on a little piece of scrap paper and stuck it in my folder so I could think about it later. Class ended shortly after but now I was completely annoyed.

WTF?!

Back in 2002, I had this same teacher for my Comp I class and I really liked her. I excelled and got an A but I do not remember anything like this ever happening.  When I signed up for this class I thought to myself "Sweet. I remember her. This will be a breeze!"  Crap.  Now I can't focus on anything but her stupidity.  A college professor who just got thousands of dollars from her students who she is teaching the wrong shit to? Damnit! C'mon!  Maybe I should have just corrected her so I could move on and get over it.
Sadly, my daughters teachers aren't any better. They Xerox pages out of workbooks and send them home as homework.  No one is learning anything except me, because I have to do YouTube tutorials to figure out how to do her homework. Then teach it to my kid.  Maybe the district should pay me the teacher's salary.  My daughter even had to sign her name the other day and didn't know how to because oh yeah! They don't teach cursive anymore! So what do they teach exactly?  I think it may be a question that needs to be addressed with vehemence. Obviously whatever they are teaching -especially at the college level- is freaking wrong!  Oh my, this is going to be a long semester!

**Update: 5/13/13.  Today in my Political Science class the teacher referred to the book Little Women by one of the Bronte Sisters.  Oh dear.  Little Women was written by Louisa May Alcott. And I know this because I have read it five or six times.  I am hoping this was just a slip up because this teacher seems legitimately smart, but crap. I feel like I am worse off than not going to school at all.  This time I did correct it, for those of you that wanted me to the first time.  I told him "I am sorry for being a prick student and correcting my teacher, but neither of the Bronte sisters wrote Little Women."  Needless to say he thanked me for correcting him; however, I don't think everyone would be as grateful.

Game Over

While I want to write my thoughts down, that the fact that the American government surveils society at random, tortures information from people, and restricts people from speaking too loudly on critical topics makes me leery about putting my thoughts onto a computer... yet here we are.  I cannot avoid the risk of my government potentially blacklisting me unless I were to type this out on a typewriter somewhere.  As an open-minded, educated American, I can sense some of the horrors our government experiencing these days and am constantly seeking new information.  Though, when that information stuns me into silence I find cause for concern.  I don't often find that a topic would confound me into silence, but when I could put myself at risk and those I love at risk by simply using my voice, it strikes fear into my very being.  After seeing Naomi Wolf's documentary End of America, I realized that I have no idea not only what the American government is capable of, but what they are actually taking part in to keep our society in check.  Personally, I have always been a bit of a squeaky wheel.  If something is morally wrong I will be one of the first to speak my mind about it, however, after seeing the horrific things this country sweeps under the rug makes me want to think twice before opening my mouth at all.

When America was still an infant we were run by another country. From all the way across the Atlantic Ocean we had to live by rules and demands set by someone else and this wasn't okay for America.  When the Patriots took hold of America and decided to make it our own place with our own set of rules, they created a democracy; a government for the people where they could be respected and heard. We became America: The Land of The Free.  This was not the first time democracy was used, but the people of America seemed to know exactly what they wanted and needed to be successful and democracy was what suited those best.  What most people don't know is that America has been on a very dangerous path for a long time.  Naomi Wolf pointed out that there were essentially "ten steps a [government would take] to close down an open society" and that America was following all ten steps - which gives me my own personal set of nightmares.  Could we be compared to Stalin's Russia, Mussolini's Italy, and Hitler’s Germany?  America?  It couldn't be possible, yet apparently it is so.

The Department of Homeland Security for example: A department in our federal government created in response to the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001.  A department created to ensure the level of safety of American citizens - essentially to control the fear levels of American citizens.  Naomi Wolf explained how other countries also have to face terrorism, but how they deal with it in a calm way without generating fear in all of its citizens. "[Other countries] take pride in not frightening the citizens and having daily life go on without fear." - Seemingly a very hard concept for America to understand.  Instead we drive fear home with each and every news story ever made. Bombings, terrorist attacks, murder, threats, homicide, abuse - it is never-ending and also a way of life for Americans.  As if we didn't have enough problems without imminent threat looming over our heads all the time.  Just over month after the attacks on 9/11, Congress pushed forward the USA Patriot Act which largely reduced the restrictions that law enforcement agencies had in the gathering of personal information on any citizen of the United States of America. With this law in place citizens lost their privacy at the blink of Congress' eye; people can now be invaded upon "all without having done anything wrong and all without a warrant."

Yet the trepidation doesn't stop there.  Every day people who stand up for what they believe in have been ostracized without any regard.  Anti-war groups, anti-death penalty, environmental groups, and even less aggressive non-violent peace groups have been targeted by our government.  The groups become infiltrated by a mole and the mole relays back all of the groups activity, cause trouble within the group or even to break up the groups. These surveillance and infiltration acts were kept in check by the American Civil Liberties Union or ACLU whose job it was to defend and preserve the rights of every person in this country by the Constitution and laws of the United States. "Surveillance and Infiltration... it's a psychological pressure point not just a tactical one."  Another notch added to the American belt of fear and another way to keep the American people quiet and underneath the thumb of its government.  Sometimes as a joke or in casual conversation I will suggest a radical idea and then say aloud "Uh oh, I bet you the government heard me say that," but I suppose it isn't a joke or even a comedic response, because while they aren't listening to every conversation, I am certain they are listening to a wide variety of them and one day that conversation could be my own.

            Those ten steps to closing down an open society are prime reasons why I would love to no longer be a part of this terrifying place which we call a country; a once a magnificent place that people came to for freedom… for a chance.  In the last fifteen years (roughly) we have broken ourselves as a country and in a disparaging manner.  We have marred ourselves with our treacherous actions and shut up the very people who recognize the destruction and want to fix it.  My heart breaks for this country.  This country where my ancestors came for their shot at happiness and never in their wildest dreams would have believed that it would be a place their grandchildren would run from – in fear.  I tell people all the time that I want to leave America and while to some that may sound incredible to others it makes sense.  “…We lost our way – we just need to find our way back to the path that served us well for so long…”  Together, as Americans, we can make anything happen… if only we weren’t so afraid to do so.