I Am The Sunshine

I awoke today to find that I didn't want to go along with any of the plans that I had set for myself. When I looked at my cellphone, the too-white screen blared to life showing me it was only 5am, and since falling back asleep was not really an option, I decided to open the book I was reading the night before.
I got a good two hours in when my alarm to start the day started going off.  Typically when the alarm goes off I snooze it to death.  Today, I was like the sunshine.

Of course Lou got to school without a hitch and I had my whole day mapped out before me.  I even had a list written out of the people to call, the bills to pay, and the places I was supposed to go.  I held that yellow Post-It note in my hand before crumpling it into a ball and tossing it across the room.  I wandered to my bedroom, put my sweats back on and crawled into bed.  Bea jumped right up on the bed as if on cue. She does that when I wake up in the morning, she will go back in my room, jump right up on the bed, and cock her head to the side as if to say, "But mommy, aren't we going to sleep in longer?"   There have been instances where she has been to bed at 9pm and will sleep until 11am.  She also does this cute thing of when you climb into bed and lift the covers to pull them around yourself, she nudges her nose under them. Meaning: Lift them back up so I can come under too.  And I do. And she does. Every day.  It's funny that for an emotionally detached old maid who doesn't like to cuddle, that I snuggle up a pit bull every day like it is my job.

So I fired up my tablet and took off back down Firefly Lane.  It only took me another hour or so to finish the story.  As we all know I am a emotional person. This book hit me like a ton of bricks. I was weeping when it was over. I cried maybe 40% of this book that is how much it touched my heart. Good thing my cousin Bridget called to take me off topic or I may have sobbed for hours.
Firefly Lane is a tale of two best friends, Tully and Kate, whose paths crossed when they were 13 and they were inseparable from that point forward- even though they were two very different people. Life took them on a lot of journeys and misadventures.  I didn't relate to one of them, yet a little to both. Neither story was quite my own, but nonetheless, I felt the pangs of friendships lost, loves lost, family lost, childhood lost. Okay, that's a lot of loss.  Tully liked to push people away and that I could relate too, because it was one of my best qualities.  Kate was passive to her friends and they usually took advantage of her for it. Again with the hitting home.  It had me spending an afternoon thinking deeply of life and it's path.

One thing about being jobless is that unemployed people usually watch more TV than they can stomach.  I on the other hand do not have cable.  Books who have always been a dear friend are now my absolute solace. My love. So after putting dinner and homework, I decided I had to start a new adventure.  Lou was playing something on the iPod and I decided on reading Heaven Is For Real.  I had heard it was good but heard nothing more.  I ate that novel up in two hours flat. I don't know if I believe the story that a boy went into surgery, "died" even though the records don't show it, and went to Heaven with Jesus, to come back and share his tale.  So here I sit, thinking about faith.  Something you could wonder about for all of time and never have an answer to. Guess we will all know one day.  Eternity does kind of freak me out though. Sounds like a commitment which we all know I avoid.

Maybe tomorrow I won't read a book and I will rejoin society instead.  I sure hope society is under my covers snuggled up next to Beatrice.